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Review of Hamilton in the style of "Hamilton"

The following is a review of the Disney+ recorded production of Hamilton, written in the style of Hamilton. I actually recorded myself performing it, (and you can watch it here) but I figured I'd post it here, also, for posterity. Enjoy!


How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore, Get a musical about him with an urban kick and score? Dropped in 2015 in Broadway, to sold out crowds who were floored and adored And Disney+ bought the rights in 2020, and I watched it when I was bored! “The Ten Dollar, founding father and a scholar” None of that was expanded on, the plot was thin as water. “He was a self-starter” I guess, but they coulda' tried a little harder The show was mostly about Washington, Aaron Burr, and the Schuylars Was it bigger than the hype for it? I couldn’t really say, Most common folk like me can’t afford to see a Broadway play Given ticket prices, you’d think the play would be called “Franklin” But to make a history lesson slap, I guess I have to thank them. The songs were hit and miss, some of them were completely boring, Every song Eliza sang, I could hear the crowd-a snoring. But don’t get me wrong, I loved some of them, too, “My Shot”, “The ten duel commandments”, and the “Cabinet battles”, to name a few. You see, my biggest gripes about the show was when they steered away from Hamilton’s plot. How come they didn’t emphasize that he threw away his final shot!? The king George songs were fun, but they could’ve done with them so much more, I guess they were forced to pull him back from greasing up the stage floor! The actors were diverse, that’s great, but they were all dressed the same, kind of lame, The whole time I wished they wore a sign that said their name. The actors were double-cast, their names were dropped too fast, that might’ve been the blame, So I was left confuzzled, and puzzled practically the entire tame (-er, time) Why did they make Thomas Jefferson look like a pimp? And why was Hamilton whiny, talking to Washington like a wimp? The dancers told no story, they were spazzing all over the place, And to me, the instruments used made the music seem very out of place. “America then, as told by America now,” is quite a feat, But the whole time I was kept reminded of Sesame Street. The lessons and the themes fell flat throughout it’s three-hour breadth The characters were underdeveloped and lacked emotion and depth. I have many more complaints that don’t necessarily effect the production as a whole, But when you add them all up, they can begin to take a toll But the one thing worst of all that made the movie version stifled Was the audio mixing, which made half the songs sound muffled The part that I thought was handled the worst, was when they rushed through Eliza’s accomplishments in like, a single verse. The whole second act could’ve been focused on her journey, on her quest, Interviewing the influential people who really knew her husband best Could you imagine how much better the musical would’ve went? If every character had a full song about what Hamilton meant. Portray the founding father through different spotlights on the man Brought together by Eliza Schuylar, the scholar; the woman with the plan? Overall I liked Hamilton a lot more than I led on, I confide It must be nice to have the majority of critics on your side. I could go on much longer like I’m running outta time, I’m just being a bit critical, while writing in a rhyme!

I knew it!

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