Lake Shark

 

A Short Play by Dovid Bulgatz

 

 

 

                                                (A lake.)

 

                                                            BECKY

Sheila, for the last time, there aren’t any sharks! Sharks don’t live in lakes.

 

                                                            SHEILA

I don’t care, Becky. Something brushed up against my leg! I wanna go!

 

                                                            BECKY

Jesus, Sheila! That doesn’t mean that it was a shark!

 

                                                            SHEILA

Yeah, but—

 

                                                            BECKY

—But what? It wasn’t a shark!

 

                                                            SHEILA

How do you know?

 

                                                            BECKY

I just told you!

 

                                                            SHEILA

Oh yeah… but what if someone brought a shark and let it loose IN the lake?

 

                                                            BECKY

It wasn’t a shark, okay, so let’s go. C’mon, I told you it’s out here.

 

(She starts to swim toward SHEILA.)

 

                                                            SHEILA

Okay, fine. Hold on…

 

                                                            BECKY

What now?

 

                                                            SHEILA

Lemme finish peeing.

 

                                                            BECKY

What? You’re peeing in the lake!?

 

                                                            SHEILA

Well, I thought I felt a shark, and I peed a little; I might as well get it all out.

 

                                                            BECKY

Ugh, fine…

 

(Pause)

          SHEILA

Ok, I’m done. Let’s go.

(They start swimming further away from shore.)

 

          BECKY

So, as I was telling you, there’s a sunken ship around here. Well, not a ship, like a pirate ship, but Dillan’s friend, Chuck, he has a small boat; well, his parents have a small boat that they—er, I mean Chuck, takes out sometimes to party.

 

                                                            SHEILA

Do you ever go?

 

                                                            BECKY

No, but I wish I did. Dillan showed me a snapchat of Chuck on his story; he is so hot!

 

                                                            SHEILA

(Splashes BECKY.) BECKY!

 

                                                            BECKY

(Splashes back.) What?

 

                                                            SHEILA

(Shrugs) Never mind, go on.

 

                                                            BECKY

Okay, so Chuck was taking a bunch of girls and a few guys out a few weeks ago. You know, one last party before finals. So, they brought a cooler full of really expensive booze that Chuck has supposedly been saving for. Like, better then what his parents would already have.

 

                                                            SHEILA

Why, are they like rich or something?

 

          BECKY

Bitch, they OWN a BOAT.

 

                                                            SHEILA

Oh yeah.

 

                                                            BECKY

So apparently, one of them got super fucked up. He probably had some molly or something.

 

                                                            SHEILA

Do you think there’ll be some in the cooler?

 

                                                            BECKY

I don’t know. It probably all dissolved. But from what Dillan said, there’s a ton of booze that was still unopened. So at least we’ll get that.

 

Anyways, so, he got really fucked up and steered the boat into a rock or something and they all had to swim to shore.

 

                                                            SHEILA

Oh my God! Did they all survive?

 

                                                            BECKY

Yes, Sheila, they all were fine. Well, not Chuck. He’s in pretty deep shit.

 

                                                            SHEILA

Why?

 

          BECKY

Um, because he crashed his parents’ boat. If it was me, I’d have broken my leg or something so at least they’d feel a little sorry for me.

 

                                                            SHEILA

Wow, so they were all fine?

 

                                                            BECKY

Yeah, and according to Dillan, two people were in the middle of fucking in like, one of those tiny bedrooms that they have in some boats, and they didn’t notice the boat was sinking until the water reached the bed.

 

                                                            SHEILA

Oh my God! No way!

 

                                                            BECKY

I know!

 

                                                            SHEILA

Wait, so, there should be a big rock around here, right?

 

                                                            BECKY

I guess. Dillan told me that Chuck told him that the guy who was wasted shouted that the rock jumped up at him.

 

                                                            SHEILA

Maybe it was the shark?

 

                                                            BECKY

No, he was really fucked up. Even if he said it was a shark, would you really believe him?

 

                                                            SHEILA

No.

 

(She jumps a little; she felt something.)

 

(Squealing in panic.) EEK! Did you feel that Becky?

 

                                                            BECKY

No, what?

 

                                                            SHEILA

I felt it again!

 

                                                            BECKY

Felt what, the shark?

 

                                                            SHEILA

Yeah! It was definitely a shark!

 

          BECKY

You sure it wasn’t the rock?

 

                                                            SHEILA

Yes, I’m sure it wasn’t a rock!

(Suddenly, there’s a faint thud. A small part of a sail rises up behind them both, but only enough to look like a dorsal fin.)

                                                            SHEILA

OH MY GOD, BECKY! LOOK!

 

                                                            BECKY

(As she turns) Sheila, for the millionth time, it’s not a fucking sha—

 

HOLY SHIT!

 

                                                            SHEILA

OH GOD!

                                                            BECKY

SHIT! OKAY! LET’S GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

 

                                                            SHEILA

YEAH!

 

                                                            BECKY

HOLY SHIT! (She turns around and looks closer, because the “fin” hasn’t moved) Wait a minute!

 

(Pause)

 

Jesus Christ, Sheila! It’s not a Goddamn shark, it’s a fucking sail! Godammit Sheila!

 

                                                            SHEILA

Sorry.

 

(They both take a moment to calm down and they start laughing out loud at the situation.)

                                                            SHEILA

 

(Sigh.) Well, at least we found the boat. Come on, let’s go.

 

                                                            BECKY

Hold on a second.

 

                                                            SHEILA

Why, what?

 

                                                            BECKY

I gotta finish peeing. You scared the living shit outta me!

 

(Fade out.)

 

                                                            —END—