DYB Creations
Lake Shark
A Short Play by Dovid Bulgatz
(A lake.)
BECKY
Sheila, for the last time, there aren’t any sharks! Sharks don’t live in lakes.
SHEILA
I don’t care, Becky. Something brushed up against my leg! I wanna go!
BECKY
Jesus, Sheila! That doesn’t mean that it was a shark!
SHEILA
Yeah, but—
BECKY
—But what? It wasn’t a shark!
SHEILA
How do you know?
BECKY
I just told you!
SHEILA
Oh yeah… but what if someone brought a shark and let it loose IN the lake?
BECKY
It wasn’t a shark, okay, so let’s go. C’mon, I told you it’s out here.
(She starts to swim toward SHEILA.)
SHEILA
Okay, fine. Hold on…
BECKY
What now?
SHEILA
Lemme finish peeing.
BECKY
What? You’re peeing in the lake!?
SHEILA
Well, I thought I felt a shark, and I peed a little; I might as well get it all out.
BECKY
Ugh, fine…
(Pause)
SHEILA
Ok, I’m done. Let’s go.
(They start swimming further away from shore.)
BECKY
So, as I was telling you, there’s a sunken ship around here. Well, not a ship, like a pirate ship, but Dillan’s friend, Chuck, he has a small boat; well, his parents have a small boat that they—er, I mean Chuck, takes out sometimes to party.
SHEILA
Do you ever go?
BECKY
No, but I wish I did. Dillan showed me a snapchat of Chuck on his story; he is so hot!
SHEILA
(Splashes BECKY.) BECKY!
BECKY
(Splashes back.) What?
SHEILA
(Shrugs) Never mind, go on.
BECKY
Okay, so Chuck was taking a bunch of girls and a few guys out a few weeks ago. You know, one last party before finals. So, they brought a cooler full of really expensive booze that Chuck has supposedly been saving for. Like, better then what his parents would already have.
SHEILA
Why, are they like rich or something?
BECKY
Bitch, they OWN a BOAT.
SHEILA
Oh yeah.
BECKY
So apparently, one of them got super fucked up. He probably had some molly or something.
SHEILA
Do you think there’ll be some in the cooler?
BECKY
I don’t know. It probably all dissolved. But from what Dillan said, there’s a ton of booze that was still unopened. So at least we’ll get that.
Anyways, so, he got really fucked up and steered the boat into a rock or something and they all had to swim to shore.
SHEILA
Oh my God! Did they all survive?
BECKY
Yes, Sheila, they all were fine. Well, not Chuck. He’s in pretty deep shit.
SHEILA
Why?
BECKY
Um, because he crashed his parents’ boat. If it was me, I’d have broken my leg or something so at least they’d feel a little sorry for me.
SHEILA
Wow, so they were all fine?
BECKY
Yeah, and according to Dillan, two people were in the middle of fucking in like, one of those tiny bedrooms that they have in some boats, and they didn’t notice the boat was sinking until the water reached the bed.
SHEILA
Oh my God! No way!
BECKY
I know!
SHEILA
Wait, so, there should be a big rock around here, right?
BECKY
I guess. Dillan told me that Chuck told him that the guy who was wasted shouted that the rock jumped up at him.
SHEILA
Maybe it was the shark?
BECKY
No, he was really fucked up. Even if he said it was a shark, would you really believe him?
SHEILA
No.
(She jumps a little; she felt something.)
(Squealing in panic.) EEK! Did you feel that Becky?
BECKY
No, what?
SHEILA
I felt it again!
BECKY
Felt what, the shark?
SHEILA
Yeah! It was definitely a shark!
BECKY
You sure it wasn’t the rock?
SHEILA
Yes, I’m sure it wasn’t a rock!
(Suddenly, there’s a faint thud. A small part of a sail rises up behind them both, but only enough to look like a dorsal fin.)
SHEILA
OH MY GOD, BECKY! LOOK!
BECKY
(As she turns) Sheila, for the millionth time, it’s not a fucking sha—
HOLY SHIT!
SHEILA
OH GOD!
BECKY
SHIT! OKAY! LET’S GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!
SHEILA
YEAH!
BECKY
HOLY SHIT! (She turns around and looks closer, because the “fin” hasn’t moved) Wait a minute!
(Pause)
Jesus Christ, Sheila! It’s not a Goddamn shark, it’s a fucking sail! Godammit Sheila!
SHEILA
Sorry.
(They both take a moment to calm down and they start laughing out loud at the situation.)
SHEILA
(Sigh.) Well, at least we found the boat. Come on, let’s go.
BECKY
Hold on a second.
SHEILA
Why, what?
BECKY
I gotta finish peeing. You scared the living shit outta me!
(Fade out.)
—END—